A View to a Death Eater
by parker08
Summary: Severus Snape is beginning his journey towards becoming a Death Eater. With Lily no longer wanting to be friends, Snape decides it's time to change other things along the way in order to fulfill his quest.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to the lovely JK Rowling and Warner Brothers.

It was a lonely summer for Severus. His first summer without being in contact with Lily Evans. The last time he'd seen her had been on the morning of the last day of term, a whip of red hair as she'd disappeared from the Great Hall, laughing with her friends, ready for her summer. He'd followed, not any further than the Entrance Hall. Given her one last longing look. Then leaving to go downstairs to his dormitory.

He was alone now too. Sat on a bench at the edge of the park he and Lily had played at all those years ago. He'd spent many days whiling away time here during the summer, but had never once seen her. It was almost as though she knew he would wait for him there, and couldn't bear to return to that spot lest she have to make conversation with him.

In fact, it seemed all anyone could be bothered to do to make conversation with him. His father had never much talked to him, not unless he had something negative to say. But even his mother seemed even more withdrawn from him this summer, quiet at meal times, barely making eye contact. Maybe she knew. Knew what he wanted to do next summer. His mother may have been a Slytherin, but she had no interest in Dark Magic, actively despised Lord Voldemort and his followers.

Not that he thought his mother was much of an Occlumens. And besides, Severus was old enough to shield himself now, keep her away from anything he didn't want her to see, hide them away in the deepest recesses of his brain. But he couldn't hide them from himself.

Alice Enderson cornering him in the dungeon down to Potions. Talking to him about what he'd thrown away. How his Lily was better off without him in her life. How she was happy now she didn't have to speak to him anymore. He'd brushed her off, tried to keep away but of course Avery had found them down there.

"Threatening a Slytherin are you, Enderson?" She'd backed away from him. Severus had known himself that no one feared him, Avery and Mulciber not so much. He could remember Avery drawing his wand, muttering the curse at Enderson and he'd seen her fall to the floor, screaming, twisting in pain. He hadn't done anything. Maybe that's why no one feared him. He was a coward.

Then there was that evening. Lily grabbing his wrist after dinner.

"How dare you? Alice told me what you did!" she had screamed at him.

"I didn't do anything!" he'd told her back.

"That's the problem! You never stand up for anyone weaker than you! You just stand there and let it happen!" She was glowering at him so intently he'd felt himself blush. Never in their seven years of friendship had Lily yelled at him, spoken to him like that.

He toed at the ground with his worn trainers, battered from endless walking in all weathers. He looked around him. Night was starting to fall. He clambered up from the dusty grass he was sat on made to exit the park. He knew it must be late as darkness was falling on a night in August. He headed down the dimly lit street, wondering why no one ever fixed the street lighting in Cokeworth.

He stepped numbly off the pavement walking into the road in order to cross. The next thing he was aware of was being bathed in bright light and car brakes screaming to a halt. He backed away, trying to avoid the light. A man was getting out of the vehicle.

He recognised him immediately. Balding now and with very little light brown floppy hair left, he shared her eyes. He stepped round the door and came closer to him. Severus had a sudden desire to run.

"Are you alright?" Mr Evans asked, coming closer to him and looking him up and down. "Oh Severus, I nearly didn't recognise you there!"

The man broke into a cheery smile, as though greeting an old friend. Severus hadn't seen him in over a year due to what had happened with Lily, although Mr Evans still seemed pleased to see him.

Severus nodded, muttering his apologies about stepping in front of the car. He wanted to leave and was regretting not running more with every passing second.

"Here, I'll give you a lift home," Mr Evans positively beamed.

Severus mumbled something about being fine to walk, not needing to be home in a hurry but against his better judgement ended up getting in Mr Evans' car.

"So," he began almost immediately. "I've not heard much about you from Lily this summer!"

Severus swallowed. "She doesn't know that much about me." His face was burning and he was staring at the floor.

"How did your OWLs go?" Mr Evans pressed.

"I did very well thank you, got my 12 Outstandings," Severus muttered.

"Oh that's wonderful!" Mr Evans exclaimed. "Lily got the same."

"You tell her well done from me."

Severus noticed the first change in Mr Evans demeanour at this point. "But you can tell her yourself!" he exclaimed.

"Er.." Severus trailed off. Exactly what, or more to the point what hadn't, Lily told her parents this summer?

Severus glanced up and saw Mr Evans was observing him with a curious expression.

"So are you going anywhere nice this summer?" Severus asked, desperate to move the conversation forward.

"Have you fallen out with Lily?" Mr Evans eyed him suspiciously.

"I've done something to her I really shouldn't have. Something really awful. I've ruined our friendship" Well if Lily wasn't going to tell him, he certainly was.

Mr Evans suddenly swerved as though a great thought had hit him and pulled the car immediately over.

"Have you slept with my daughter?" he said his voice suddenly cold.

"What?" yelped Severus. He was stunned, hardly knew what to say. Of all the awful things Mr Evans thought he might have done, he certainly wasn't expecting that one.

"Have you slept with Lily?" he repeated, colder still.

"No, of course I haven't, I, I wouldn't dream of it. No it's- it's not. It's nothing like that. I haven't – I wouldn't dare," he was stammering.

Mr Evans narrowed his eyes.

"It's nothing like that, I- I promise. I wouldn't- I couldn't. I'm not- I called her a Mudblood," he finished very quickly.

"I'm sorry, what is that?" Mr Evans was watching him very carefully.

"It's very insulting, it's referring to her blood type. You know, with you and Mrs Evans being non magic," he was speaking very quickly. "And it doesn't even matter anyway, I mean she's the best in our year. All the purebloods are twats. I mean idiots."

"I see," Mr Evans was still looking at him as though he was something unpleasant he'd found on the bottom of his shoe. "Well, I'll just take you home I think, Severus."

The rest of the car journey passed in awkward silence. Severus muttered his goodbye and thanks as he got out, but was greeted with nothing more than a withering stare. He rushed towards his house, keen to make it inside and away from Mr Evans, a man who had always treated him with unwavering kindness, always trying to do him a favour.

Severus walked into the house rather louder than he would normally have done, especially given the time. He was about to head down to his room when a hand suddenly gripped hold of his arm. He was face to face with his father, who was shade of maroon and practically spitting.

"What do you think you're doing home so late?" Tobias literally shook him.

"I was talking to one of my friend's dads," he said quickly.

"Friends?" Tobias sneered. "You don't have any friends!"

This much was true but Severus certainly wasn't planning on backtracking. Firstly, he didn't want to give his dad the satisfaction of being right. And secondly, he died want to be screamed at for lying.

"Well, I do," he muttered.

"How dare you argue back?" Tobias spat. He raised his free hand and punched his son squarely in the cheekbone. "Now get to bed."

Severus half flew, half stumbled in the direction of his room. He walked almost dazed down the corridor. He opened his bedroom door and closed it carefully behind him, throwing himself onto the bed. He was a mixture of angry and upset and was reminded forcibly of Lily's mixture of anger and hurt that day she tried to help him.

He watched her walk away. He heard James and Sirius muttering something to one another. Then bang, he was upside down again.

"Right," James shouted. "Now who wants to see me take of Snivellus' pants?"

He heard the crowd jeer although he could see little from under his upside down robes. Lily was too far away to hear now. Besides, he didn't need her to rescue him. He could look after himself. Which seemed like a load of rubbish given he was suspended in midair with his bare legs up above him.

"Go on, Wormtail!" James called. "Get them off!"

Wormtail seemed to positively delight in this mission, advancing on Severus straight away. Severus attempted to flail out of his reach, but Sirius quickly put a stop to it.

"Petrificus Totalus!" he shouted.

Severus was immobilised, hanging upside down. Laughter was filling his ears, ringing and ringing.

Severus was woken suddenly by the doorbell being rung. Assuming his parents had both left for work, he rolled out of bed and made his way back to the front door. He was most surprised when he opened the door and felt a little squirm in his stomach as he did. Lily Evans was stood there, her long red hair framing her face. Her green eyes looked angry.

"How dare you tell my dad we're not speaking?" she snapped immediately. "What's wrong with your face?"

"Um, what?" said Severus, taken aback.

"Half your face is covered by a massive bruise," Lily was eyeing him suspiciously.

"Oh nothing, I fell," he said quickly.

Lily knitted her eyebrows together and looked as though she was going to come closer, her arm hesitating on reaching up to touch his face.

"Oh my goodness, my dad didn't do this to you did he?"

"No! No, of course not," Severus said quickly. "Although he was pretty angry when he thought we'd slept together."

"What?" Lily yelped. "You told him what?"

"No, I didn't! I told him we didn't! He asked!"

Lily was glowering at him, fixing him with the same fierce stare she had in the Entrance Hall that day.

"I would never sleep with you," she said coldly.

"Oh right," he said very quietly, everything hurting as she made that statement. He felt tears start to prickle at the corner of his eyes.

"No," she said, spotting his face. "No, I didn't mean it like that, I didn't at all. I just mean, I don't think we're right for each other. Not that, not that there's anything wrong with you, I mean-"

"It's fine, Lily. I get it."

"No you don't. Because I didn't mean it like that. You're going to be perfect for someone. And it might've been me, it's just because of what you said. I said that because of that. Not because-"

"Honestly, I get it. I wouldn't sleep with me either."

He moved to close the door on her, refusing to cry in front of her.

"No listen, Sev, I didn't mean that. I just- Listen, my mum said you should come to tea on Saturday. I mean I think she means for us to make up and that's not going to happen but she'd like to see you and-"

"Tell her thanks very much, but I'm busy," he carefully closed the door, blocking out the one person he actually cared about.

She called again a couple of times but he made no effort to answer the door. He ignored her, determined not to give into his feelings. He had to be strong. He had to in order to join the Dark Lord.

Thank you for reading! Please leave me a review! Let me know what you think! Next chapter coming soon!


	2. Chapter 2

**So here is the second chapter. Thank you for all the reviews. I'm going to be introducing some more characters this chapter, maybe even some fellow Death Eaters! Hope you enjoy and please leave me a review!**

Severus sat on the Hogwarts Express staring blankly at the window. The train hadn't even left the station yet and the platform was filled with life. Parents calling to their children, scrambling last possession. Telling them they loved them, kissing them, hugging them. Being generally affectionate, something that Severus' household had always lacked. He hadn't even spoken to his father this morning as he left the house for another term. His mother had brought him down to London. Driven him down to near Kings Cross, bid him farewell from the car and left again. She almost seemed relieved to see him go.

He supposed really he couldn't blame her. This summer, like so many before, had been horrendous. Torrent of abuse after torrent of abuse from Tobias directed at his only son, his only child. Severus had been battered and bruised as usual, but lacked the escapism the summer usually brought, Lily Evans' house and her parents. Both so alike to the parents on the platform. Constantly expressing love for their youngest. Their talented daughter. The one who was a witch. The one they were so proud of. Severus supposed they were proud of Petunia too, but he never actually saw that seeing as she always made herself scarce when he made an appearance at the house. Although Severus was confident she couldn't be anything like as

talented as Lily. She was a muggle after all. And he better stay strong to this viewpoint. He could hardly claim any muggle had talent to You Know Who. Mind you, You Know Who was unlikely to be enthralled by the idea Severus thought a muggle born was talented.

He had made his way through busy London to Kings Cross, made his way to the platform with ease and then selected a quiet compartment. Normally he might share this compartment with Lily. But as she wasn't around and he didn't have the energy or the inclination to look for Avery or Mulciber, he sat by himself. He didn't really need them anyway. He was a lone wizard. And beside, the less people he cared about the better. The more you

care, the more you have to lose, he thought to himself. Of course Severus

couldn't know now the son of his Lily would one day utter those words. Except that boy would have so much to lose, so many people surrounding him to love him.

Frankly, Severus had no one.

Of course he wasn't afforded the luxury of spending the journey alone, not long before setting off he was joined by a group of fourth years. He only recognised one of them as part of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Jack Peakes or something like that. Great, Severus thought to himself, exactly what I need. A journey surrounded by rowdy Gryffindors. One of which is in cahoots with James Potter. Yes, really ideal.

He reached in his bag and pulled out a copy of Advanced Potion Making. He hadn't had much of a chance to look at it over the summer. Mainly because his dad hated magic and Severus did not want to see the argument ensue after being caught with a school textbook. The book was second hand but did not yet have any notes written in it.

Severus pulled out a quill and turned to the first page.

"This book is property of the Half Blood Prince"

He'd fashioned his nickname over two years ago now. One summer whilst spending time with his mother he'd eventually found out her maiden name. Oh how he wished he was a Prince instead of a Snape. Princea noble pure blood family. His mother was the last Prince left in this country. And she had smeared the name by meeting a muggle. Not that that could be undone now. He was half blood. Everyone knew that. How many Snapes were there in the wizarding world? But everyone knew he had some magic blood in him, only that would make him worthy of Slytherin. So he was proud of that. He was a member of the sacred 28, even if only by half.

A girl opposite him was watching him with narrowed eyes. She was following his hand as he wrote the letters in his usual pointy script.

"Why would you write in a book?" She asked.

"Um, so I know it's mine?" He didn't really want to answer her but gave her the most sarcastic one he could think of.

"What about if you want to sell it on? Or give it to a friend? A younger sibling?"

"Well we can't all be as generous as you," he sneered.

Selling it on, yes that would be an option. But he didn't really have

any friends, well not any he would want to gift something to. And he didn't have any younger siblings. And who did she think she was talking to him?

"And we're not all as lucky as you not to have to!" Snapped the boy sat next to

him.

Severus ignored the last comment. In what sense of the word was he lucky?

I spent most of my childhood and early life being abused by my dad. My one

friend now hates me. Still at least I have joining the Death Eaters this summer. I could wipe the three of them out with one curse.

Severus went back to his book, annotating potions he had already brewed in the extra time he had spent in the potions lab. He pored over new concoctions

considering possible changes that may be made. He wondered what Slughorn would have them working on first. Severus excelled in most subjects but was

particularly gifted in potions. And of course Defence Against the Dark Arts. He had already perfected a number of spells. One of which, Levicorpus, had been brutally used against him. But he was still the only known user of Sectumsempra.

As he considered possible counter curses for this one, he heard the compartment door slide open. He hadn't been expecting this little reunion quite so soon.

James Potter stood at the door of the carriage. Dark hair messy and up on end, silver rimmed circular glasses and his familiar smirk. His eyes roved over Severus. It was one of the rare occasions where James didn't have back up now.

No Sirius, no Remus and no Peter. Severus took a guess and decided it was

somewhat unlikely that James would attempt anything without his cronies to

support him. Besides, he didn't have enough of an audience right now for him to bother. James lately seemed far more interested in whole school humiliation. No, he was more likely to just taunt than turn him upside down. Nevertheless,

Severus found himself gripping the wand in his jeans pocket.

"Good summer, Snivellus?" He grinned at Severus.

Severus ignored him and stared resolutely at his book. He wasn't starting a fight with Potter before they'd even got to

school.

"Missing Evans?" James taunted.

Severus felt his face burn and was determined not to look up and give it away.

"See the thing is, Snivellus, you've only got yourself to blame," James continued, after failing to get a

response. "You and your potty mouth. Always getting you into trouble. I heard even Professor Dumbledore doesn't like you."

Severus had no idea what point James was trying to make but was starting to find it more difficult to ignore him.

"No it's everyone, Snivellus. School wide as I understood it."

Severus sighed and turned a page in his book.

"Aw you're brushing up so the teachers like you?" James cooed. "See I don't need to do that, I have something known as charisma."

"I don't really care if people like me or not, Potter," he said coldly. "I'm more interested in my future."

"Your future?" James half laughed.

"Three years running around with the Death Eaters then I'm guessing a lifetime in Azkaban. Bet your mum and dad must be so proud of you."

"Okay, okay, stop." The girl had spoken again. "Listen, you're not even out of Hogwarts yet. We're supposed to be strong as a school. Professor Dumbledore said so. Fighting amongst ourselves isn't going to help anyone.

James and Severus turned to face the girl looking a little perplexed at why she was getting involved.

James was the first to speak. "Well, anyway. Jack I just came to tell you that Quidditch trials are second weekend back. George is still captain and he asked me to tell everyone on the team last year. You know with him being head boy as well, he's not had the chance" Wow, James made himself seem so important. More George left you to do something he couldn't be bothered with.

Jack was busy thanking James so Severus turned back to look out the window.

He wondered if Lily would keep going to the games now they no longer spoke. They used to go together, usually cheer for rival teams and laugh about it together. He remembered the Ravenclaw v Hufflepuff match in second year. They had been together in a top box. Neither of them knew a thing about Quidditch really, so they had just made up rubbish suggestions of what their team should do.

"Ravenclaw should just keep flying through the hoop with the Quaffle," Lily had laughed.

"Yeah but only after Hufflepuff caught the Snitch and they never realised!" Severus had joked.

He missed laughing with Lily. So much.

After what felt like an eternity, James left the compartment.

"I'm sure your parents are proud of you," the girl offered as the only piece of encouragement she apparently had.

"Thanks," he muttered, turning back to his book. Yes, that seems likely. My dad hates me and attacks me at any moment he has and my mum is just pleased to see me leave the house. Neither one of them said well done when he got his 12 OWLs in summer. Maybe neither of them had noticed.

"I wouldn't be too nice to him," Jack Peakes finally spoke to him, or more about him. "I hear he has a problem with muggle borns."

The girl's eyes narrowed.

"I look, I don't-" he started. But why was he bothering? Why was he trying to make these kids like him? They were Gryffindors for a start.

The girl raised her eyebrows. She reminded him a bit of Lily, the way she used the same facial expressions to convey when she was unhappy.

Speaking of Lily, he still hadn't managed to catch a glimpse of her this whole train journey.

Severus finally arrived in the Great Hall. Lucien Bole, a Slytherin boy in his year, was sat next to him and baking conversation. Bole played on the Slytherin team and had slick, blond hair. He was from a powerful pure blood family and wasted no time in making this fact known. He was one of the few Severus felt confident discussing his mission to join the Death Eaters with. Curiously however, Bole's own parents did not seem to be Death Eaters.

"Of course, it will be perfect when we join. This time next year the entire school will fear us," Bole continued.

Snape nodded, he figured he and Bole would join together, probably with Avery and Mulciber. The other two boys sat opposite them.

"How do you think we'll conceal the mark from the teachers though?" Avery asked seriously.

"Wear long sleeves?" Snape responded sarcastically. He became very aware that from the high table, Professor Dumbledore was watching him. Almost as though he was listening. Severus of course, was a master of occlumency. He was less sure whether the other three had acquired this skill. Unwilling to be hauled into the headmaster's office on the first day of term, Severus nudged the others to indicate they should be quiet.

Bedtime finally arrived. Despite scanning the hall persistently, he had failed to see Lily Evans that night. Maybe she hadn't made it back to Hogwarts? Was she okay?

His mind drifted back to the last time he had seen her. He'd ran into her and her mother in a shopping centre. Severus had simply used it as a new place to wander, having no money of his own. Lily and Mrs Evans were laden with bags. This was just another indication of just how different the lives that they led were.

Lily had clearly spotted him almost immediately and he made a move to go another direction. However, his move had been moments too late. Mrs Evans had been calling him over.

He walked over, hands in pockets, prepared for one of the most awkward conversations he could experience.

"Oh it's so lovely to see you, Severus," Mrs Evans exclaimed. Strange, Severus thought to himself. After his encounter with Mr Evans he was amazed she was speaking to him at all.

"It's good to see you too," he had half mumbled back.

"Richard told me about your OWLs. I hear congratulations are in order!"

"Thanks," he mumbled again.

"I think it's such a shame you two don't get along any more." And there it was, back to his fall out with Lily. He wanted to blame Lily, she didn't want to speak to him anymore. Not the other way round. Even if he had caused it, why should he be fully responsible?

This dark thought continued to haunt his dreams until he eventually woke at 5am, panting and covered in a cold sweat.


	3. Chapter 3

Severus woke up on the first day of term feeling grouchy and irritated. His sleep had been interrupted so many times by an assortment of dreams, Lily flitting in and out of them. One dream crossed his mind making him half smile

He was down by the lake with Lily. They were having a picnic. Nothing special just food they took from lunch. The sun was shining on the two of them. Severus didn't have a care in the world. Neither did Lily. Both of their OWLs were over, leaving them free to relax for the rest of the summer. They were holding hands. She was coming closer. He gazed into her beautiful bright green eyes. She was closer still

Severus snapped back to reality. Of course at the time he was picturing so vividly in his dream was a mere week after they had stopped speaking, after the horrible afternoon on the grass with Potter and Black.

Speaking of can't do any wrong characters. Julius Sharpe and Matthew Flint were talking loudly across the room. They were Slughorn's absolute favourites he was sure. Except maybe Dan Sayes. But what did he care about him? He was Gryffindor. No Sharpe and Flint were certainly just as smarmy as Potter and Black. And just as likely to harbour some other romantic feelings for one another, Severus thought to himself. Yes the goody two shoes of the Slytherin house. Probably half blood or less too, Severus thought darkly. Flint and Sharpe were perfect examples of Slytherins who would never become Death Eaters. Hero worshipped by the school. They had the popularity he, Avery and Mulciber could never achieve despite their new status as the future Death Eaters, something not even old Sluggy could hide his disappointment in.

Severus got hurriedly ready for breakfast and followed Sharpe and Flint up for breakfast.

"Morning, Snape, good summer?" Sharpe enquired as he turned back to look at Snape. Julius Sharpe had dark hair that he kept combed over but with a tendency to fall in his face. He had defined features and dark eyes which seemed to light up on his favourite topics. Severus couldn't see it, but he knew that Sharpe was ever popular with the girls in the school. In fact, in fourth year, even Lily had mentioned an interest in him to Severus. He had pointed out the usual, Sharpe was from a dark wizard family. Lily wouldn't want to be associated with him. Sharpe's father had in fact been involved with Grindelwald many years before. Not that this was a well known fact but Severus was well read. He hadn't simply made this up to vie for Lily's affections. He was genuinely one of the few to know the truth about Sharpe. Of course, making stuff up to keep Lily interested in him wasn't exactly out of Severus' realm.

Severus shrugged in answer to the question. "It was okay," he muttered. "How about you?"

"Oh it was excellent!" Sharpe replied. "My dad got me a new racing broom. Matthew came over to try it out."

Sharpe was of course referring to Matthew Flint. Flint was a fair flyer himself. Better built that Sharpe. Good looking and serious about studies but generally a bit of a prankster. Certainly not above getting involved in a joke at Severus' expense.

"Are you thinking of trying for the Quidditch team this year, Snape?" Sharpe enquired almost immediately when Severus failed to comment on the broomstick.

Severus was immediately forced back to first year. Flying lessons. He had felt on top of the world, soaring around the school on the second lesson in.

Some students hadn't even managed to properly get off the ground yet and here he was soaring with the best of them. Sharpe and Flint were there. Bole, and Sayes. And of course Potter and Black. Messing around the tallest tower, being screamed at by Madam Hooch. Perhaps if he hadn't enjoyed the idea of them being in trouble so much it wouldn't have happened. Perhaps if he and Bole hadn't been laughing so hard he wouldn't have smacked into that wall and fallen Severus floors to the fall in a crumpled heap with a broken broom. Oh how they'd all laughed. Lily had been the first one there of course. Trying to help him up. And Sayes had been there too, always willing to prove himself the hero. He'd spent most of the rest of that day in the hospital wing

So in reality, no he wasn't going to try out for the Quidditch team.

"Yeah, think I'll give it a miss, Sharpe," he muttered.

"Oh, it's just I'm captain now," he exclaimed excitedly. "Puts me on the same level as Bole with his prefect badge!" He added smugly.

Oh and there it was. So he had no real interest in if Severus was joining the team. He just wanted to show off. Just another example of how disinterested the rest of the world was with Severus' life. Any chance that anyone cared about him kept disappearing. He walked up the stairs with fresh determination. I'm going to join the Death Eaters before anyone else. Before Mulciber and Avery, for once I'm going to be the best at something. I'm going to become the Dark Lord's favourite even if no one else gives a damn.

Maybe Severus was naïve, if he really knew the Dark Lord, he know he had no human attachment to anyone. But in Severus' position, the idea of any kind of favouritism was aspirational.

Severus was confident he was easily one of the best in his year. He excelled in Defence Against the Dark Arts. But as with all other lessons, someone else was just that bit better. Or someone else was the teacher's pet. Meaning he rarely, if ever, got a compliment there. Not that Severus needed or craved attention. He was a lone warrior and he was determined and set on his destiny. People would respect him a lot more in the next couple of years though when he had the power to destroy the lot of them.

With that thought in mind, Severus half smirked as he walked past James Potter and his friends, having a lively debate over their toast.

"Alright, Snivellus?" Black called loudly.

Severus put his head back down, refusing to let them spoil his mood and determination. He settled himself down at the Slytherin table and pulled toast toward him.

"So, new schedules this morning," Bole commented. He was perusing his copy of the Daily Prophet whilst the large owl, the Bole family pet, sat next to him sipping pumpkin juice.

Of course, Severus had almost forgotten, he would finally see how his options would pan out in a timetable. Discover when he had free for the library and making plans with Avery and Mulciber. And finally, he might have some lessons away from Potter and Black.

Professor Slughorn was walking along the table handing out sixth year schedules. Severus took his muttering a thank you whilst Sharpe and Flint made a point of thanking him profusely.

He had Defence Against the Dark Arts first which he was pleased about and also double Potions on the first Monday back. He had Arithmancy first on a Tuesday and didn't have Transfiguration until Wednesday afternoon. Charms fell on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

He sighed as he looked at his timetable. He was suddenly remembered how he and Lily and selected their options in February last year and realised they had picked virtually all the same subjects. She had not chosen Arithmancy, opting instead for Herbology but it mean in 4 out of 5 lessons he would be with her as they exchanged awkward glances and maintained what he liked to think was a dignified silence. Don't kid yourself, Severus. She's mad at you.  
He expected this year due to numbers dropping as people split into subject there would be no chance they would be separated by house either. Although Gryffindor and Slytherin had been together for every lesson he had attended to far in his school life.  
Flipping over the Daily Prophet he peered at the headline.  
HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED LAUNCHES ANOTHER ATTACK IN MANCHESTER  
Severus' family lived not far from Manchester and he perused the article, concerned for his mother. Going to have to get past that, Severus thought darkly. She'll be the first on his hit list if I give away any inclination I care for her. Relieved there was nothing to suggest their area had been attacked, Severus was about to put the paper down when an unfamiliar voice cut across him.  
"You must be so proud to think you can be part of that soon, Snivellus," a Ravenclaw boy he expected from him year sneered at him.  
"And you are?" he said coldly.  
"Oliver Warner, captain of the quidditch team?" he posed it almost as though it were a question.  
"And you're speaking to me why?" he continued icily.  
"I'm in your group, for potions."  
"Group for what?" Severus frowned.  
"We're working on a project this year to create a love potion. I'm with you," Oliver looked at Severus as though he was dense.  
"Nope," said Severus.  
"Well yes we are, there's one of us from each house. We have Sirius Black. And a girl from Hufflepuff I've not met yet."  
Severus groaned. A whole project with Sirius Black?  
"Why?" he asked out loud before he could stop himself.  
"It's about inter house cooperation with the war against You Know Who. Although judging by this," he turned the paper over with disgust. "You're not going to be doing much cooperation."  
"It's my choice, what I do with my life, Oliver," he muttered the last word with particular disdain.  
"Yes, you'll be so happy when you're a murderer," Oliver turned and walked away.  
Bole leant over to him.  
"I'd probably take it easy on the Death Eater stuff with him, mate," he said carefully.  
"Why?" Severus snapped.  
"You Know Who had his parents murdered last year, top aurors. Were too good clearly," Bole continued. "Lost his cool this summer when he ran into some of them himself. Reckon they wanted to recruit him. He used the cruciatus curse on them. Quite effectively from what my father says."  
Severus furrowed his brow. What was Slughorn playing at?

Defense Against the Dark Arts was the first lesson of the new term. Severus immediately took a seat at the back next to Bole. Avery and Mulciber, despite their love of this subject, had not received the required grades to continue. Although they appeared to be the only ones. The class was packed.  
Professor Sayes, the current DADA professor, swept into the room moments later. Severus thought he would always get on well with Sayes as he had learnt early on in his school years he had been part of Grindelwald's followers. Yet Sayes seemed to show no fixation with the Dark Arts at all. Nor did he have any interest in joining Voldemort, choosing instead to focus on his family and the security of the school. He was certainly Dumbledore's left hand man. As a result, Severus had always felt his relationship with Professor was rather frosty. However, he did have one key strength over the other teachers.  
Potter and Black swanned in late, five minutes after the bell had rung.  
Sayes immediately removed five points from both of them before continuing with his session. This was why Professor Sayes was one of his favourite teachers. He actively disciplined Potter and Black. He didn't laugh off their behaviour, he didn't let them get away with whatever they wanted. He treated them as he would every other student. In his lessons, they were not golden boys.

Severus was still unclear by the afternoon as to what Slughorn's joke was when it came to double potions. He was also becoming rapidly unclear as to how the Sorting Hat had made the mistake of putting Oliver Warner into Ravenclaw. He was pretty sure however the Sorting Hat had made no mistake whatsoever in putting Annabelle into Hufflepuff. Frankly, this creation was going to be down to him and Black if he could ever stop shouting to James long enough to do any work.  
So Severus Snape and Sirius Black. Not exactly a match made in heaven and with neither of them willing to give an inch and hand over any development to the other, or cease insulting one another, this potion was never going to be finished.  
"Snivellus, I don't know why you think you have any authority on love potions," Sirius sneered.  
"They don't create real love though," Annabelle said, apparently missing the insult.  
"Wouldn't matter to Snivellus," Sirius grinned. "He'd need more than the world's strongest love potion to get a girl interested in him."  
"Probably need to stun her first," Oliver smirked.  
"I've heard you need to Confund girls to get them first, Warner," Severus snapped back.  
"Clearly a touchy subject," Sirius half laughed. "Which girl failed to fall victim of your potion?"  
"Trust me, Black, if I was going to make a love potion it would be more than effective."  
"Yes but I wouldn't need a love potion. I don't have a foot of grease surrounding my face and a nose I could hang my cloak on."  
"But you do laugh like a dog and smell like one too."  
Sirius paused, clearly thinking over a response.  
"Well if words fail you, Black, we could always make a start on the potion."  
"Why do you need to use it later?" Black said evilly.  
"Unfortunately your lack of magical knowledge has failed to inform you you can't create a new love potion in two hours."  
"Oh have you tried before?" Black was quick with this response. He and Warner were sniggering whole heartedly at their jokes.  
"So boys, and lady," Slughorn swept over. "What have we come up with so far?"  
"Well," Oliver began. "Severus has decided he doesn't need a love potion. He's just going to knock them out cold."  
Sirius sniggered. Slughorn didn't laugh although looked vaguely amused.  
"Unfortunately, Oliver my boy, the task is to create a love potion, not a spell."  
"Yes but unfortunately Warner doesn't understand the difference. He thinks if he waves his wand a rainbow will come out," Snape was literally glowering at Warner now.  
"Now boys, I'm sure we can work cooperatively. No reason why all the houses can't get on."  
Well, except the fact that actually I believe Voldemort is right. The riff raff this school let in these days. Oliver might have magical blood, but Annabelle clearly does not. And look where that's got her. But think about Lily. One of the brightest witches in the class. Exception, not the rule, he told himself firmly.  
-

At dinner, Severus saw Lily for the third time that day. She was sat smiling and talking to a first year girl who appeared to be crying. He watched her with something of admiration as she comforted the girl, always unfailingly kind and thoughtful. He could see her becoming Head Girl next year. He supposed he should at least enjoy these moments of being to see her. Under two years away and he would probably never see her again. After six years of friendship had ended so abruptly last summer he doubted it could ever be rekindled.

He had seen her, as expected in Defence Against the Dark Arts at the beginning of the day. She was laughing with her friends at the front of the room, well away from where Bole chose to sit. This had meant he had no chance of catching her eye and he had left before her, as Bole had been in a hurry to practice flying in his free.

Once again he had seen her in potions. Again from across the room. She seemed to be getting on well with her group, talking animatedly to Matthew Flint and laughing at his jokes. It had made his stomach turn over in misery. Surely she couldn't be interested in him?

-  
"Oh Snape, I haven't told about my summer yet," Julius Sharpe was talking to him. For the second time today. Wondering vaguely what he'd done so badly in a past life to be speaking to him, he turned to look at him.  
"What happened?" Severus feigned interest as effectively as he knew how.  
"Well, my girlfriend is muggle born. She took me to all these amazing muggle places. We went to the cinema. I have to tell you, even better than the portraits here, they tell a story. And there's loads of them in there. Did you know about the cinema?"  
"Yep," Severus said boredly. "My dad is a muggle, remember?"  
This conversion did nothing more than to highlight just how differently he and Sharpe were. Sharpe excited by muggle creations. He couldn't wait to get away to get away from muggle rubbish. Nothing ever worked properly. Why faff around trying to build something out of wire and crap when you can cast a spell in two seconds and it does exactly the same? If Sharpe wanted story telling portraits he could bewitch it for him.  
Of course the muggle world only served to remind him of Lily even more and his heart turned over. They had all sorts of truly muggle things in their house. A TV which she had encouraged him to sit and watch. A toaster she'd warmed him some bread in. A vacuum they'd mucked around with when they were about ten. Timing how long it took to suck different objects up. Laughing when the Rice Crispies had snapped, crackled and popped in the hose. He didn't really have these contraptions at home. His mother didn't use much magic but she certainly didn't use modern muggle development. For a start, they couldn't afford them.  
He thought back to summer after fourth year when he and Lily had sat in her luxurious living room. White sofas with a cream carpet, minimalist decoration and expensive ornaments. Severus wasn't even sure what some of them were supposed to be but they certainly demonstrated wealth. They'd sat in front of the TV that evening. Lily's parents were on holiday and Petunia at a house party. They were cuddled up on the sofa under a warm cream throw. He had genuinely believed something might happen that night. He'd had his arm rested around her shoulders and she hadn't stopped him. They'd been laughing in sync at the television show. They'd been so close. He had wondered then if he she could kiss her. He wondered now if he regretted it. What difference would it have made? He wasn't speaking to her now anyway. And it wasn't even a physical attraction that had made him want to kiss her. It was everything about her, the way she was positive about everything. The way she always had something nice to say about him when he didn't have anything nice to say about himself. Frankly there was no one left to say nice things now...  
"Severus, are you listening to me?" 


	4. Chapter 4

Tuesday dawned cold and drizzly. At Hogwarts, as it was in Scotland, winter always seems to come early. There was already a chill in the air and the days seemed to be shortening rapidly. Severus didn't let it bother him. It might be physically colder here than at home in England but it certainly made him feel warmer inside. Hogwarts was the first real home he'd ever known. Even with Potter and Black to call him names and insult him he never experienced the kind of pain he did when it came from his own father. Besides Potter and Black weren't going to be around that much longer. Trouble makers like that in the real world weren't destined to last more than a few years under the Dark Lord.  
It was a horrific thought though really. Severus was so keen to join that movement, so keen to be a part of something big, almost like a large family, that he almost forgot what that movement stood for. Yes he would be more powerful than most. But the harsh reality was, the world he was leaving behind was getting to be an ever worse place.  
Families were torn apart on an almost daily basis. Wizard and muggle blood spilt alike. Terror swept the wizarding community. Confusion was rife amongst the muggle community. Perhaps the comments were right, Hogwarts really was the only safe place left. Safe because of Dumbledore.  
Ah, Dumbledore, Severus thought to himself. He couldn't express his feelings towards him as loathing, but certainly a deep disrespect. After all, when Sirius Black had arranged to have him brutally disfigured, or worse killed, he had shook it off. One Gryffindor favouring another. Yet Severus himself had been expected to remain quiet.  
"You're not to tell anyone what he is, do you understand?" Dumbledore had asked him firmly.  
"He nearly killed me!" he had retorted, exasperated.  
"But the point is, he didn't. And it would be highly damaging for Remus' school career if others knew," Dumbledore explained.  
"It would be highly damaging for Black's school career if others knew he was a killer," Severus had snapped back.  
"But no one is to to hear of it," Dumbledore replied. "I promised to protect Remus, and if that means removing you from this school then so be it."  
Severus had wanted to hit the older man at that point. Rage at him, point out how unfair he was. But he hadn't. The last thing he had wanted was to leave Hogwarts.  
But yet he still felt anger whenever he saw Dumbledore. He actively glared at him in school corridors. He already had a plan though. The moment he left Hogwarts he would share Remus' identity with the world.  
But more to punish Dumbledore than anyone else. In fact Remus himself had made an effort to seek him out a few days later. He had cornered him near the library near curfew.

"Hey, Snape, can I have a word?" he'd half mumbled as they passed in the corridor. It was completely deserted aside from them and the torches were burning low in their brackets.  
"Are you going to try and kill me again?" Severus asked sarcastically.  
"Look it wasn't my idea. I didn't even know," he was flaming red. "I was mortified when I found out."  
"Yep, so mortified you're still hanging around with them," he snapped back.  
"They're my only friends," he replied quietly. "And they're amazing guys. I know they're not to you, but when you get to know them-"  
"I'm really not interested in what you have to say about Potter and Black. Spit out what you want to say and skip back to your dormitory!"  
"Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry," he mumbled. "And it was crappy what Dumbledore did to you."

So probably the nicest words ever said to him from a Marauder but Lupin's blushing, stuttering apology had done little to quell his anger. He'd have told back to Potter and Black but he didn't know if that was against Dumbledore's rules too.  
To be honest, who knew what Dumbledore's rules were anyway. A lot of the Gryffindors, who did horrendous things, rarely saw any punishment.  
Like the time Dan Sayes and Mulciber had come to blows in one of the bathrooms. Not literally of course. They'd been firing spells in all directions. From halfway down the corridor Severus had heard ceramic shattering all around as they had fired curse after curse at one another. All because Mulciber had used the word Mudblood.  
Naturally, they had both found themselves in the headmasters' office, but curiously only Mulciber had found himself with a week of detentions. It was unclear to this day how exactly Dan Sayes had been punished. If at all, Severus thought darkly.

"You know Ravenclaw have their Quidditch try outs tonight?" Matthew Flint cut across his thoughts in the Great Hall.  
It was lunchtime and Severus had enjoyed his first NEWT level Arithmancy lesson. The group was small, less than 10 students allowing them to get to grips with the subject quickly and move through a lot of the material.  
"Great," he told Matthew without looking up.  
"Of course, we'll need to be there."  
"We?" he enquired and ignoring Matthew's astounding look pressed on. "What are we going for?"  
"Well, we need to see the competition don't we?"  
"Don't you usually play Gryffindor first?"  
"We are all Slytherin, even if we're not on the team. And yes we do. But no harm planning ahead."  
Julius Sharpe nodded in agreement.  
"Besides, you have to come down," Julius explained. "Avery and Mulciber are."  
Severus looked up, surprised. Both of them nodded. Mulciber gave him a lopsided grin, which somehow made Severus feel rather uncomfortable. What interest did either of them have in Ravenclaw's Quidditch team? Neither of them could fly as far as he knew.

As he headed to Charms with Bole, the thought of the Ravenclaw try outs was weighing on his mind. He didn't know exactly what was planned for tonight, but it made him feel rather uncomfortable. He was sure as hell not going to those Quidditch try outs.  
"Such a waste of time," Bole commented. He had a habit of doing this, simply sharing a comment on whatever was in his head without considering the fact that no one else knew what he was thinking about. Well, Severus maybe could know if he could be bothered. But as he couldn't right now, this comment seemed somewhat random.  
"What is?"  
"Charms class," Bole continued. "I mean, given what's out there, how on earth is charms going to prepare us? Flitwick banging on about levitating crap and chucking away other stuff. How's it going to help us?"  
"I don't know, some of the stuff is useful," Severus argued. "Accio is good. And it will give us opportunity to practice our non verbal spells. Plus it gives us a bit more creativity than other subjects. Transfiguration is very prescriptive."  
"It's like talking to a book," Bole muttered, shoving his quill and parchment on the desk and depositing his bag under the table.  
Severus wasn't really listening though. Tansy Selwyn, a Slytherin student, had just sat down next to him. Tansy had always been pretty, he had known that for a while. But she certainly seemed to have matured over the summer. He was becoming very aware in this moment that he was certainly attracted to her. Not in the way he was attracted to Lily. In a more physical than emotional way. It hadn't really occurred to him, nor had he given it much thought, that people all around him were entering relationships. Maybe that would be one way to move on from Lily, to stop caring, was to be interested in something else. Or in this case someone else.  
Not that realistically Tansy was likely to give him a second glance. Smart and pretty, although not overly popular, she was still leaps and bounds ahead of him. Plus she had the additional bonus of having pure blood status.  
As he talked to her during the lesson, he became aware of how funny she was. How she was able to make him smile when so few could. Further into the lesson, he also became very aware of something else. Lily was watching him from across the room. She had slightly narrowed eyes and was clearly interested in his conversation with Felicity.

"So do you like her?"  
Severus was making his way down towards the Slytherin dormitories having eaten his dinner. He whirled round on the spot.  
Lily was stood directly behind him, half smiling, with her arms crossed.  
"Why are you speaking to me?"  
"Hmm, I'm nosy," she grinned.  
"I don't know who you're talking about," he said quickly.  
"Oh you do, I saw the way you looked at her in lessons. Just wondered what you thought-"  
"Snape, there you are!" Matthew Flint had caught him up. Ruining his plan to escape to the dormitories before having to watch Ravenclaw. Ruining his chance to talk to Lily.  
She was gone.  
"Why are you still hanging around with that Mudblood anyway?" Mulciber chipped in, also having left the Great Hall.  
Severus instinctively clenched his fists. Had Flint made this comment, he'd have snapped at him. Maybe cursed him. But this was Mulciber and an entirely different kettle of fish. He therefore chose to ignore the comment.

The try outs were a somewhat damp affair. In more than one way. Rain was slowly drizzling down on all of them, slowly making them feel more and more like they'd got in a bath with all their clothes on. Ravenclaw's prospects were also rather damp; the options for the team didn't seem overly promising.  
"So what are you doing here?" Severus eventually turned to Mulciber after what felt like hours of mind numbing trials but in reality wasn't more than about 45 minutes.  
"We're watching, aren't we?" Avery chipped in.  
"Watching for what?"  
"Well, Gryffindor have their trials next week don't they?"  
"Yes, I think so," Severus said slowly.  
"Well we need to get some good angles, don't we?"  
"Good angles for what?" Severus raised his eyebrows.  
"Oh you'll see," Mulciber grinned. "I think you'll be rather impressed."  
"Yeah well, just don't get kicked out. I'm going to find Bole," Severus said darkly.  
How Bole had got himself out of this he had no idea. Severus could only envy him.

Bole had managed to get himself out of trials by sneaking straight down to the common room, exactly as Severus had hoped to do and failed. He greeted Severus casually as he sat down. Raking his eyes briefly over Severus' disheveled appearance he asked somewhat sarcastically, "So, how did trials go? You got a spot on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team?"  
"Yeah I'm their seeker now," he replied in an equally sarcastic tone.  
"I don't know what you put up with them for," Bole commented. "Pair of idiots."  
"Who, Avery and Mulciber?" Severus was puzzled.  
"No, Flint and Sharpe. Waste of space the pair of them. If they weren't so busy skipping around getting excited about their ministry prospects they'd notice we're in the middle of a war that their side is rapidly losing."  
Severus thought back to Dumbledore's speech at the beginning of fifth year. Asking them to unite as a school. It scared him a bit to think Slytherin couldn't even unite as a house. People who he had been close to, shared a room with for five years, would soon be his enemies. Potter and Black would carry on being his enemies the same as always. But their side couldn't win. Would he feel remorse? Not for Potter and Black. But he was sure he would for Sharpe or Flint. Maybe he did care too much to sign up for this. The Dark Lord would probably be able to break him far too easily. And then there was Lily. How would he feel if something happened to her? What would you do if he ordered you to kill her? The thought terrified him. His stomach was turning over, tying nots. His life long trajectory was certainly starting to scare him now, he couldn't lie. But he certainly couldn't show it. Not to Bole. Much less to Avery and Mulciber. He couldn't let anyone know how he really felt.  
But then there was the power, power he craved so much. Feeling like he had some control, for once, was what he was searching for. And if that led him away from most of the world, then that was the way it would have to be. He'd long since been squashed by his father. Bullied by Potter and Black. Thwarted by Dumbledore.  
"Well, better be friends with them than enemies. The last thing we want is them running off to Dumbledore and telling him what we want to do," he said darkly.  
"Ah, boys, I feared you may somehow be led astray," Bole said in a perfect imitation of Dumbledore.  
Severus half smiled.  
"Mind you, You Know Who's going to wipe him out soon," Bole smirked.  
"You think? I don't think he'd touch Dumbledore," said Severus thoughtfully.  
"Why not?" Bole frowned.  
"He's too powerful, too much of a match. Could take on Dumbledore and lose," Severus replied.  
"You think his side is better?" Bole said incredulously.  
"Not his side, but Dumbledore, yes."  
"Hmm, what are your parents going to make of you joining the Death Eaters?" Bole asked.  
"Nothing because they're not going to know. Just not going to go home after seventh year," Severus told him. "You?"  
"My parents aren't going to be happy. Mum doesn't believe in blood purity being better. She doesn't really support the Death Eaters at all..."  
The wizarding world really was being torn apart as Dark Lord grew ever more powerful. Not just friendships being torn apart but families too. Completely spilt by sides in the war. And then there were the families being destroyed by the Death Eaters. Severus outwardly shuddered.  
"You alright?" Bole asked.  
"I'm fine, just tired, going to head to bed."  
Before I let you know I'm having doubts about this.


End file.
